We often ask the question of happiness to ourselves as well as other. Am I happy? Are you happy? It is a sort of general question, inferring that happiness should be forefront in our lives as a general rule. It seems we expect the answer to be 'yes,' most of the time. But I think we are just answering the way we think we should answer in order to sound fulfilled, or right-minded, or pleasant to others. I, for one, do not expect to be actually
happy, all of the time.
I do like to be happy or contented, whether just because of one incident or thought, or for days at a time, week, maybe months. There was a time in my life when my husband was alive, that I was actually happy most of the time. I was smug about my life and good fortune, and for some reason, I lived as if I thought it would never end, or at least not for many years. I had all but forgotten about any unhappiness I had experienced prior to my marriage of over two decades. My husband and I sometimes huddled together in a quick, silent fear of what old age might bring, but it was only for a flash, because we were healthy and vibrant, and could put the thought out of our minds. We laughed and talked and planned as if our time would never end. Maybe that is the way contentment is supposed to make us feel. Cancer, and then death came to us, taking away everything from my life that was good and happy, except for my pets and physical home.
A friend asked me the other day how my current relationship was going, and I told her that I was not 'happy' in the least, but more in limbo. She scoffed in disgust at the thought, and said, "Happiness is not even in the equation for me anymore,' explaining that she was so used to being unfulfilled, yet getting through each day with perhaps, some pleasantness or satisfaction in her work or other interests. And that's it???
To me, a relationship, a true partnership needs vibrancy and freshness. It needs to feel full, even if not actually 'happy' all of the time. Like when you first meet someone, and you can't wait to talk to them again, and tell them what you think, and know that they are interested. Likewise, you, waiting to ask this question or that, wanting to get to know them better, and feel their essence when they speak, and engage you in conversation and thoughts. I expect that sort of communication to be with us during our entire relationship, for however many years we live together. Without it, I would not only be
unhappy, unfulfilled, disconnected, but isolated, as if I were living alone, never mind the creature comforts, or friends, we may still share.
If someone is regularly disinterested in talking to me about what we both think, then there is no longer a connection worth salvaging. If I find it again with someone else, I will cherish that relationship, and that person, and revel in the vibrancy and true intimacy between us.
1987, Coxsackie, NY property